Happy Easter...Hard Day

Today started out perfectly.
Went to a new church. It was awesome.
Everyone was so welcoming!
Came home and the Easter Bunny brought me a iPad Mini!!!
Then I dropped Chad off at work for a couple hours and came home and cleaned.

My parents invited us over - so I headed over first -
My Grandpa and Bev were over too.
We had a lovely meal....then came the painful part...
They rented a movie- Parental Guidelines - Or something.... All about kids...

I don't know why but it was hard to watch-
Then Bev received a call that her grand-daughter was going into labor with her second son- today.

Then my brother came over and started sharing photos of his friends new babies- Like 3 of them.


It was too much. Not sure why.
It just was.
I cried the entire ride home.

The end.

Happy Friday- Good Friday

I am happy today. Content.
Hopeful.
I feel like Spring/Easter is a fresh start.

I know and believe I will have a baby one day.
I can't wait to hold him/her.
I can't wait.

It will happen!

Wishing everyone a Happy Easter weekend!

I am currently  on CD 9. Maybe just maybe it will happen NATURALLY!!!!!!!
Wouldn't that just be amazing!?

xoxo

And life slowly continues.....

It has been a little over a week since I received the phone call that our transfer did not work.

I am not on CD 8

Chad and I will TTC on our own this month.... hey you never know!


We will be trying another round of IVF next cycle.
Work has been crazy busy- and it has been a welcomed distraction.

Just found out another co-worker is expecting their 2nd baby

Yippee.


The person said- "They had been BUSY"

Must be nice to "get busy and create a baby"



I have been chosen to host a work baby shower on Wednesday- Makes me sick to even think about it:(

Aunt FLOW has ARRIVED

I finally started my period today.
It was pretty gross.
I had a vivid dream about bright red blood- and boom it was here!
Horrible cramps and a bad mood:(
That's it for today:)

Still waiting for my AF

I am really going to try to stick to this blogging thing.... because it has already been fun looking back at my first posts....

It has been 3 days since my negative Beta test.

Still no period.

I am scared it is going to be really heavy.

Anyways. I don't really have anything else to report:(

What now?

Last night, I waited until 9PM for the doctor to call me to discuss our first failed Natural Cycle IVF.
He never called.
This pissed me off.
So, this morning I went to work in a bad - bad mood!
I called the doctor's office and they said I must have been left off the list.
Um, really?
Was I?
Perfect.


I still haven't started my period.
But am starting to have really bad lower back pain and pre-cramps:(

What to ask when you have a failed IVF?????

What do I ask?


What do I say????

I have no idea where to start.

I finally get to stop the progesterone pills and suppositories.

I took a long HOT bath.


Waiting for the doctor to call now....

Negative BETA= BFN- FAILED IVF #1

My Beta test was negative.

I came home for lunch to re-group.

The doctor is going to call tonight - Where do I go from here????

I was not expecting this....


What should I ask?



So sad.

BFN before Beta Appointment :(

I had to post this morning.
I tested AGAIN.... and it was a BIG FAT NEGATIVE.

I even took the test apart to examine - just in case:/

Oh this was all at 4AM too- I have been up ever since....

Searching the web for those stories where girls got a negative  HPT but a positive BETA. Horrible idea.

For every positive story there was about 30 sad endings.



Are there really people out there that DO NOT TEST before their BETA?

Come on! Be honest.

There is no way every woman isn't peeing on a stick daily or like me a couple times a day.

You are emotionally invested and FINANCIALLY invested!!!!!

Leaving in 15 minutes for my BETA then a full day at the office to try to pretend this isn't happening!

I really hope I can come back w. good news:( ..... Stand by.

And the dreaded BFN the day before BETA...

I am absolutely devastated.
I have used soooo many HPT's and got a couple phantom lines but that was about it- Lines so light you practically had to do a backbend to see the outline of the line.

I am completely devastated. Depressed.

I find myself feeling like I am going to die to thinking I still could be......

I keep praying that maybe I am one of the girls that has a late implanter- or It just isn't showing up on the HPT yet and my Beta will show that I am in fact pregnant.


I feel like I don't even want to go to my appointment!
It is at 7:30 AM - then I go to work.


Then I will get the call.
How will I feel?
Will I cry?

What will they say?

Hollie, you are not pregnant??????!!!!!



I am beyond upset.
I thought this was it.
I really did.

But, looks like our journey is not over yet.

And STILL nothing

Nothing happened today- again.
Still feel like my period is coming- then it goes away:(

Starting to get scared and stressed

I haven't even wanted to say how I am feeling.
I feel mad.
I feel sad.
I feel stressed.
I feel my period coming!!!!!!
Please please please stay away you ugly witch AF!!!!!!

I have taken a pregnancy test every day and night- Expensive Tests- Dollar Tree Tests....
ALL BFN!

Please pray for me!


Please say this worked!

*Also when I wiped tonight there was one tiny pinpoint of blood.... ??????? Going to google it now:(

Do I have the pregnancy glow?!?!?!??!?!

My husband took this pic on his iPhone.
I love it.
Hoping he captured our future baby b glow!

What happens after a 3 day Transfer????

I found this right now and had to share!!!!

Makes me feel a little better!

I need to chill out!


This is what happens in a 3dt :

1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & 
fetal cells
8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 
10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 
11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on 
HPT

Starting to CRACK!!!

The title says it all.... I AM STARTING TO CRACK!
My sore throat finally has gone away! And my sniffles too!
Unfortunately, Chad is now getting sick and so is a co-worker! Oops... so maybe I blamed it on the progesterone!!!

Today was super busy at work so I was not able to monitor every little thing that was going on in my body.

So I feel really scared right now.

Did this possibly not work?

Will my pregnancy test EVER be positive.


I just did a CLEAR BLUE Digital....and it said "NOT PREGNANT"

*I am not even going to tell Chad!
Of course it is too early for that test but I COULD NOT resist.


I can't help it.


Please GOD let me get a positive soon!!!!!!!

Did it work? Did it work? Did it work?

I really have nothing new to report.
I am still feeling the same things I mentioned in my previous post.

I still have a little bit of cramping - but not like period cramps at all- it more of a pulling or dull ache??

My throat feels better- my voice is coming back- so I think my body is getting used to the progesterone.


Chad wants me to stop the progesterone tonight but I don't want to chance it:(


We are going to a concert tonight in LA at the House of Blues on Sunset...

One of my friends got a hotel room though- so I can rest:)



YEAH!


Hoping to get a BFP soon!!!!!

Oh the waiting game!!!!

I forgot to post last night...
Here is what is going on-
I had a pretty busy day at work - had to dress up for a photo shoot w. the Orange County Register and wear the forbidden heels!!! * I brought flats and changed into heels just for the pic:)

I felt pretty good all day.
My throat was still killing me.

By the end of the day, I was so tired-

Finally got home and went to bed at 8PM.


I also started a progesterone suppository ( totally scary) but ended up being okay:) and still am taking the progesterone pill-

Got a good night sleep and woke up at 5AM - One more day of work then resting this weekend!


STICK STICK STICK!!!! Praying!


Symtoms:
Sore throat
Left side pulling/cramp

Introducing our Transferred Embryo!!!! 3 Day Transfer!

Hello everyone!
I have a little embryo inside of me!!!!!

I had my embryo transfer today!

It was amazing!

It was soooo much easier than the retrieval!


The doctor did the transfer and did an amazing job!

We had one egg transferred!

Since we did a Natural cycle.... that is exactly how we wanted it!


Chad drove me home and so far so good!

I held my pee for a long time cause I was scared to go- but I had to go:)


I feel a slight twinge/cramp on my left side....

I was told to continue my progesterone pills and will start a progesterone depository tomorrow:/ Yikes!


I let the nurses know how horribly I was feeling on the progesterone pills and they blew it off AGAIN-
I seriously can't talk- my voice is gone and my throat is closing:(

They said my body may get used to it and it is necessary for pregnancy!


When the doctor was transferring my egg he asked the following questions:

How long have you been trying again?

How are you going to celebrate when you are pregnant?

Such a cool feeling to know that THIS COULD REALLY be IT!


Here is a a pic of our little miracle! I already love him.her!!!!!!!

Yeah!
I go back on the 18th for a pregnancy test!!!!!!! OMG 12 days, really?
I will not make it that long- I won't even pretend!
Pray it snuggles in and my throat chills out!

Tomorrow is the big day- Egg Transfer!!!!

This morning I woke up with a horrible sore throat and my voice is all rough:(

I honestly think it is from the Progesterone pill:/

I called the nurse and they said it was probably just a coincidence --- we will see-

I was at work and the day was taking forever!!!!!!

I was secretly hoping the phone did not ring and I would just show up for my transfer tomorrow w. 4 fertilized eggs waiting for me.

Well, around 3PM the phone did ring. It was my retrieval nurse.

She told me that one egg had been fertilized yesterday!!!!!!!!!!

The other 3- that was another story.... 1 was degenerate ( I have no idea what that means and was too scared to ask) and the other 2 eggs were immature an they were going to check them tomorrow and see if they too could be fertilized.

So, I went to Target today to get some cute new sweats to wear....and some new jammies since I need to chill out on let my little egg snuggle in:)

Please keep praying! It is working!

So excited!

NC-IVF Egg Retrieval!!!!!!

Today was my egg retrieval!
I was soooo nervous!

I am happy to report it went PERFECTLY!!!!!!!


I arrived at the office at 9:45 after being at work at 7:30AM-

They called me back right away.... I was instructed to take my shoes off and put some slippers on before entering the OR.

I put on a gown and a hair net thing.....



And they had me lay down in a recliner  with a blanket... for like 30 minutes.


I was freaking out!!!!
What was going to happen? How was it going to feel? Was I going to have an egg?????


I could hear some people getting an IV for pain and the nurse telling some girls they had cotton gauze they needed to remove in the bathroom!


Finally it was my turn and I went into the OR.
I had to wear a face mask and there was 4 people in the operating room....

I was instructed to put my feet into these huge leg stirrups..... and there was a huge bright light shining where I was laying wide open!!!!

My doctor came in and introduced who was going to do the retrieval-- I was expecting him to do it but he sat down next to me and held my hand the whole time.

It was so sweet. He walked me through each step....

There were two monitors one that showed my follicle and one that showed the egg.


When the needle went in - it felt like an getting an IV. It stung and then there was this intense pressure....
But I was kind of distracted by watching-

While the doctor was looking for my egg another person was looking at a microscope it was really cool- they found the first egg and the doctor explained that the dark would slowly disappear as they sucked it out- that part hurt- pressure hurt - uncomfortable hurt but not crazy..... Then the pressure continued so I said "OUCH!" and the doctor said they were going to look for more eggs but they could stop if it hurt since I was doing a Natural Cycle and only needed one egg... I quickly said - NO its okay.... and my doctor said "you are so brave" HAHAHHAHAHA!


Guess what!??!?!? They retrieved a total of 4 eggs!!!!!!!!!
FOUR EGGS!!!!!!


4 EGGS!!!!!!!!


Chad did his part and I was given Progesterone pills to take at bedtime...

We should receive a call tomorrow to see how our little egg is doing!!!


My transfer day is Wednesday at 1:45!

I can't wait and am praying everything is good w. my egg and Chad's sperm:)



I am so excited! 4 Eggs!

OMG!

Twas the night before egg retrieval!!!!!!

Tonight we had dinner w. Chad's family to celebrate his nieces 4th bday!
It is so cute to see how loved they are by their Grandma- She is completely obsessed with those kids- It makes me feel happy/sad at the same time.

I know my parents will love our child and so will Chad's parents but there is something different - I just can't explain.


But, I know how much love Chad and I have to share and that is ALL that has ever mattered.


Tonight is my last sleep before our little egg gets retrieved!

Timing is a funny thing... I have a mandatory meeting at 12:00 tomorrow at work.

My retrieval is at 10:15AM and will last 2/3 hours.... I am hoping I can go right back to work... but if I can't I will deal....my future baby is MUCH more important.



I have to take 400mg of ibuprofen at 11PM tonight and again at 6AM tomorrow!


Please pray for us tomorrow if you think about us!


xoxo

My follicle is 20 mm!!!!!!!!

YIPPPPPEEEEEEE- My follicle is 20mm!

My egg retrieval is scheduled for MONDAY!!!!!!

I am so excited!

The nurse called me today after my blood test- and told me to do my lupron injection at 11:30 tonight and take ibuprofen until the retrieval.

So I guess using the warm water bottle worked!!!!

Here are pics on the wall at the IVF clinic! I really hope that I can send in a pic soon!

Fingers crossed everyone!!!!