To tell or not to tell....that is my question.....

I can still clearly remember being 24 years old and knowing I wanted to have a baby with Chad. We talked about it and he would smile and say- OH Hollie, we are too young and we need more money. I agreed- kind of.

I had a plan for myself that stemmed from childhood, I guess.

I was going to get married at 24 and have my first baby at 26.

As the years went by I had to release that dream. And it was not easy - even though, now looking back I see how immature I was and how much better of an adjusted person I am now.

What is my point here?

I have been struggling trying to figure out how to intro what we have been going through trying to have a family.

It is so painful but I still want to share... not even for everyone else but for myself.

I have no one to talk about my feelings- mainly because I don't know what to say. I don't know why this is happening. I don't know what to say.

What is wrong?

Nothing. We have unexplained infertility.

What does that mean?

It means we have been "trying" for over 2 years.

It means I have been tracking each cycle each month for over 2 years. It mean ovulation sticks, it means countless pregnancy tests with one line. It means once a month Chad has to see one sad girl.

It means hearing the following over and over:

Just relax.

It will happen.

You have plenty of time.

Have you tried Clomid?

Have you checked Chad?

What about adoption?

Oh, I am so sorry... I got pregnant right away.

This August we had a great surprise I got about 14 positive pregnancy tests! Yes, 14!!!!!! I was obsessed!

I called my doctor. Scheduled a blood test. Called my girlfriend and my mother in law.

Next day- BAM- blank test.

Period.

Really? It was the first time I ever had a positive and it felt amazing. 

Fast forward to NOW- February 2013.

We are seeing a fertility specialist in Irvine, CA.

And around the 20th of this month we will start monitoring for a fresh cycle of IVF!

We are beyond thrilled.

I have no idea what I am doing.

I am trusting this doctor.

I am not one of those girls that knows all of the terms and definitions.

It actually makes me more nervous.... so I will share my experience and maybe we can go through this together?????

Today we have our last 3 blood tests.

We have already completed about 12 others.

So, here we go!

Thanks for reading!!! xoxo