24 Weeks 3 Days!!!!

I can't believe I am able to even type that title! It's really really happening!
I am really having a baby!


Thanksgiving and Christmas have now passed and I am thrilled!
During each holiday all I could think - was- next year we will have our little girl with us!

As we were driving I kept looking in the back seat imagining her there!!!!


She is kicking so much now- when I sit still there she is!

Yesterday at work she didn't stop all day! It is seriously amazing and I am so grateful to be feeling it all!!!


Because I have no patience whatsoever, I booked another 3D ultrasound today!


I can't wait to see her! I also booked the appointment where they record it on DVD!

Every time we go- we want to see her more- this way- I can watch it again and again!


Nursery update:
My mom made the sweetest drapes for her room!
Next up- setting up the crib- I am currently hunting for a cute chandelier!


I promise I will write more soon!!!!

20 Weeks w. the flu- no fun.

I think it was a mixture of attending a birthday party at a children's bounce house gym and the weather changing….

I have a horrible cough - like a chest cough and a cold!


I am miserable!


On top of that we are moving this weekend….my poor husband!


Our movers come on Tuesday!!! I am so excited to get settled in our new home!


But dang, it is a lot of work!

Anatomy Scan- Ultrasound!!!!! 18 weeks!

Today we have an Anatomy Scan Ultrasound at Hoag!

Even  though we know its a girl! We are thrilled to see our baby girl again!


Things have been great! I am waiting to feel our little baby- I don't think I felt her yet?-

**Going on now is us still desperately looking for a new home for our growing family!

We have an application in on a 3 bedroom house in Huntington Beach!

We love it and have been non-stop praying since Monday!

Hoping to hear soon!

16 Weeks

I have been horrible about updating here!
We are in the midst of looking for a new home. Our current lease is up this month and we are looking for the perfect place to bring our little bundle of joy home to…..

That is pretty much dominating my thoughts…
I am stressing out about it.

I want the perfect location and price!

I feel great- Still no sickness or anything!

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG


OMG... OH EMMMM G! It's a GIRL!


We are having a baby girl!


I am beyond excited. I can barely even type!

We find out GENDER TODAY!!!!! OMG OMG

Today is the day!
Because I have zero patience....and I have to know! Is it a baby boy or a baby girl!??!?!??!?!??!?!
So, we go at 12:00 this afternoon for a 2D/3D scan!

Our last ultrasound was so adorable the baby was moving around and jumping and dodging the tech!

I am so in love!

I am so nervous for some reason. I guess because I have no control over what the outcome will be!

I have felt from day 1 it is a girl!

We will see!

Everyone has placed their bets!!!!


I will post pics tonight!


xoxo

13 week ultrasound

We had our 13 week ultrasound on the 11th!

OMG. Is all I can say.

Our baby was adorable! It was jumping and moving and waving its little arms!

We heard the heartbeat it was 166!!!!!

The baby is doing well and is healthy as can be!


I am so thrilled I can't even stand it!!!!!

And we are Facebook Official!!!!!!

Today was such a big day for me and the baby!

I told all of the partners at my law firm ( all men) and all of my co-workers that I am going to be a mom!

Then I posted on FB to let everyone else know!


I am so overwhelmed with support and love! This little baby is already so loved!


Everyone is placing their guess for if it will be a boy or girl!


I am blessed. I am so happy right now! I am just trying to enjoy every little moment!

12 Weeks- Lesson in patience from my baby

I have had the oddest range of emotions lately!

I am still in shock and thrilled I am pregnant.

Every week I am so excited to read about what is happening.... but I can't help but be sooo anxious!

Is this normal?

I still haven't heard my baby's heartbeat... I have seen it but not heard it.....

I haven't seen my baby since 6 weeks.


I can't wait for the 18th!

I can't believe it is still 2 weeks away.

I am getting one big ole lesson is patience.

Until then, baby- I hope you everything is going well! I hope you feel safe and are growing and growing!!!!


xoxo

Type A Negative Blood???????

Today was my 2nd appoiment at my OBGYN office...

The wait was brutle.... but I was so excited.

Turned out to be a pretty uneventful appointment.

They did a culture test instead of a pap since I had my annual exam in January....

Then the doctor told me that I have the Blood Type - Type A Negative and my husband will need to be tested to see if our baby will be okay.


I was in shock.

She said that my body would attack the baby!!!!


All I could do was think- GET ME OUT OF HERE SO I CAN GOOGLE THIS!!!!!

Here is what I found:

What is my Rh status and why do I need to know it?

Early in your pregnancy your blood will be tested to determine your blood type and your Rh status — that is, whether you have the Rh (Rhesus) factor, a protein that most people have on the surface of their red blood cells. 

If you do have the Rh factor, as most people do, your status is Rh-positive. (About 85 percent of Caucasians are Rh-positive, as are 90 to 95 percent of African Americans and 98 to 99 percent of Asian Americans.) If you don't have it, you're Rh-negative, and you'll need to take certain precautions during your pregnancy.

If you're Rh-negative, there's a good chance that your blood is incompatible with your baby's blood, which is likely to be Rh-positive. You probably won't know this for sure until the baby is born, but in most cases you have to assume it, just to be safe.

Being Rh-incompatible isn't likely to harm you or your baby during this pregnancy, if it's your first. But if your baby's blood leaks into yours (as it can at certain times during pregnancy and at birth), your immune system will start to produce antibodies against this Rh-positive blood. If that happens, you'll become Rh-sensitized — and the next time you're pregnant with an Rh-positive baby, those antibodies may attack your baby's blood. 

Fortunately, you can avoid becoming Rh-sensitized by getting an injection of a drug called Rh immune globulin whenever there's a chance that your blood has been exposed to the baby's blood.

If you're Rh-negative and you've been pregnant before but didn't get this shot, another routine prenatal blood test will tell you whether you already have the antibodies that attack Rh-positive blood. (You could have them even if you miscarried the baby, had an abortion, or had an ectopic pregnancy.) 

If you do have the antibodies, it's too late to get the shot, and if your baby is Rh-positive, he's likely to have some problems. If you don't have the antibodies, then the shot will keep you from developing them.

My husband is getting tested tomorrow- so we can see what we are dealing with... but I am not freaking out.

I am sure it will be fine!

10 weeks 3 days!

So I am 10 weeks 3 days today!
How am I feeling????

Really GOOD!

I have had the occasional- uh oh- I don't feel good- I may throw up.... but then it passes!
THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY!!!!!!!!

I have had some cramping and bloating...

And yesterday came down with an earache and sore throat.

I feel much better this morning!


I am feeling very anxious to know if the baby is okay- I am dying for another look at him/her. And dying even more to know if I am shopping for a prince or princess!!!!!


I have a doctor appointment this Wednesday:)


Biggest worries of the moment:

What carseat do we pick?
Where are we going to live? (our lease is up this month)
So excited!

In the middle of 9 weeks!

This has been an exciting week!
We were able to tell family that we are having a baby this week!

It is so exciting to see everyone so excited for us!

My mom and I also went to a little store in Costa Mesa because I recevied a mailer about starting a registry- It was really cute!

Here is the link: www.bel-bambini.com

We had a blast looking at all of the gear we will need!

It is very overwhelming! What is the best stroller? What is the best carseat?
A crib?
A glider!?


So exciting! But time to do my research!

Don't want to leave Maui...8 weeks pregnant

The time has come, it is time to fly home tonight:(

This trip has been amazing!

I have felt amazing overall. I did have a couple of moments when I needed to step outside during dinner cause I thought I may throw-up... but I made it through~


This trip I have concentrated on resting and enjoying my body while it is still comfortable!

I love it here so much!

I love waking up at 6AM and watching the sky light up-

I love the air

I love the clear water!

I snorkeled my heart out!


I will always remember this trip!


I am a little worried that I am not able to check into our flight....I guess there are no seats on your flight - so we have to check in at the airport-

Oh Well! Can't stress in Maui! All will be fine!


See you back in Cali!

Flight to Maui- 7.5 Weeks

I made it to Maui!!!!!

The flight was a little uncomfortable... but nothing too bad... THANK GOD... I didn't get sick and have to use a barf-bag!!!

I wore my compression socks and make sure to make an effort to move around and not just sit in the same spot for 5 hours.

There were a ton of babies on the plane. I can't believe that will be me next year!

I did start feeling strange after the flight ... not sure if it was just "tired of traveling" feeling or a little morning sickness.....
I also felt very dehydrated- like my lips were dry and stuff- I downed water:)

It was my bday yesterday and I must say- this has been the best bday ever.....


#1 I am having a baby

#2 I am in Maui

I am up right now at 3AM Maui time.... cause that is when my stupid body wakes up now....

But that is okay- now I can blog!

Since telling my parents that we are expecting they have let the news spread to family.... I received so many texts congratulating us on the baby- It is so much fun that our family is excited!!!!


Here are some pics from today! I will post more throughout the trip

I made it to the weekend without spilling the BEANS!!!!!!!

Update:
I didn't have to tell anyone about our little bundle of joy yesterday at work!

I am soooo relived that I made it through!

Now, I have a packed weekend then MAUI!!!!

I am a little nervous about traveling- since we booked this trip before we knew we were expecting----

I thought it would be fine...but my parents are making me worried....they said they WOULD NOT risk it....

I don't want to risk anything either...

I picked up 2 pairs of compression socks for the plane becuase my doctor recommended that for circulation....

I need to pack/clean my house/get my hair and eyebrows done -phewww  then a bday dinner w. my friend Sarah! YAY!


I woke up again this morning at 3:30 AM.... I played on my ipad and did laundry:)


xoxo-

So nervous about today!!!! Will I spill the beans at work????

I have been dreading today since the moment I found out I was pregnant!
Today at work, we are having a "summer event" - the whole law firm will be closing at 2:30PM and heading over to K1 Speedway in Irvine- to race---

It clearly states, if you are pregnant- don't race.

I am NOT going to take a chance by racing.... but also don't want to alert or flag all of my co-workers and boss- that I am pregnant!!!!

I am praying I can just fade into the group and not race.

The problem is- and I am a super loud mouth at work and am sure everyone will wonder WHY I am not racing! I seem to recall challenging a number of people when this event was first announced (uggghhhhhh!!!)

Do I lie?

Say I have a backache?
Say I don't feel well?
Try to just hide???
Or do I just say- I can't.... and point to the sign and let the cat out of the bag.


Since I am only 7 weeks..... I am sooooo nervous to tell work peeps so early- not only in case of a miscarriage but I don't want everyone asking me for the next however many weeks- How I feel? What I a having? --- If I can make it through today.... I go to Maui on Monday and will come back and probably feel better about telling... but whatever happens- happens!

Bottom line, I am thrilled.

I already am obsessed w. my little baby and it's little beating heart!

Wish me luck!

We are really really having a BABY!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was amazing.

I had bloodwork done in the morning before work.... and acted like a true baby - looking away from the needle, leading the tech to ask me every 3 seconds if I was okay or if I was going to pass out- LOL....

then I needed to give a urine sample.... I don't know what happened, but I could not pee. I chugged water... walked around. NOTHING.

I went to work and tried to concentrate but I was soooo excited for my ultrasound!!!

I left for lunch drove all the way back to drop of urine...picked up my hubby and went to see our baby!


Here is what we saw!

It was amazing! We could see the little heart beating!!!!!!


I am so relieved that there is really a baby inside me! It was so nice to be validated today!


My 2 friends that know are just thrilled and my parents are so excited!

I am litteraly bursting to tell everyone- I almost just blurted it out at work when I got back....

I honestly thought I would want to wait until the first trimester was over to announce. But I am having a hard time!

We leave for Maui on Monday for my Bday- I hope I can hold it in just one more week- and I can tell after our vacation! HEHEHE!


Here is one more pic showing the heart rate:)

It looks like I can stop CHASING BABY B... cause I have him/her in my tummy!!!!! YAYAYAYYAYA!

My nurse orginally told me I was 6 weeks 4 days... but today they bumped me to 7 weeks and moved my due date from April 18th to April 17th:)

First Prenatal Appt.!!!!! 6.4 days pregnant- I think?

Today was super exciting for us!!!!!!

We had our first doctor appointment!

I had no idea what to expect.... It was okay... kind of uneventful.


We met w. the nurse since our doctor was not in.....

The office did not confirm the pregnany- aka the REASON all this is happening.....

Tomorrow at 8AM I go for blood work...

and at 12:30 I have an ultrasound!!!



So tomorrow - I should have more news....

***I also did something really bad... I took and intelligender test.... What do you think????


I think it looks like a girl result!

YAY!

5 Weeks and 1 Day!

I am still feeling just plain shocked.
So far, my symptoms are SORE BOOBS... like that isn't even the proper term... It feels like a punch to the boobs and like they are bruised!

I almost cried when I got home from work the other night and took my bra off! It took the air right out of my lungs- it really hurts man!


I have been on the Internet non-stop reading all of the pregnancy sites and calculating everything!

I took a clear blue digital on Wednesday and it said I was 5 weeks plus.

I have a feeling I ovulated very early this cycle.

That would explain my bright BFP's a day before my period was due....


Dying to get into the doc's office and get some firm answers!!!!

I received a call from my doctor saying they needed to reschedule my appt... :( Hopefully it is sooner and not later than the 26th!

Yay!

BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP! I got a BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am still in shock as I am writing this post....

My period is due tomorrow- all week long I felt my period coming -

The normal stuff:
Backache...Mild cramps
PMS

Last night, I did not sleep well... my back was killing me and I had a dull stomach ache....

I woke up at about 5AM and went pee.


Then laid in my bed and played on my ipad for another hour or so....

I went back into the bathroom into my little test drawer and found a Dollar Tree Test.... and  I am not kidding the pee hit that stick and BOOM 2 lines! Like FAST!!!!

I ran in and woke up my husband and he was SHOCKED!

I immediately went back to my drawer and found a First Response~ unfortunately I dumped my pee.

I downed water and waited..... I got seriously 5 drops out... and BOOM a positive on First Response!


I don't know what to say.....


Am I really pregnant?
Is this real!??!?!?!

What happened?

No IVF- Nothing too fancy-
I tracked on my pink pad app- I used my ovulation kit- and never even got a happy face- and I think I know why- I started tracking a little late....


I calculated my "Due Date" its April 18th, 2014!

That is sooo soon!


What do I do next!??!?!??!


I called my doc and they won't see me till the 26th of August!
How many tests can I take from now till then!?!?!?


It seems like planning and booking that Maui trip and putting IVF talks on the back burner really paid off!


AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

So thrilled. Just praying it sticks and this is real!

Watching MTV - TRUE LIFE- Desperate for a baby

So I am relaxing watching MTV and a TRUE LIFE episode came on- about infertility.

One of the girls has had 5 failed IVF's and the other is stressed starting her first cycle.

Sometimes, I forget that other people are going through this too-

I wish I had someone to talk to about how I feel- but at the same time- I find a pretty good balance of knowing that it will all work out.

I mean, if I stopped and cried every single day--- that would be horrible!


I do have an update- we have tried again this month naturally- and I have a good feeling- AGAIN- ahahhaha!

But I am going back to the IVF clinic on day 2 of this cycle to hopefully start IVF #3.

And this time we have decided to do Minimal IVF instead of our 2 failed Fresh Natural IVF's.....


My show is back on- bye!

What is next!?!?!!?!

I am trying to decide on what to do....

I have a couple choices at the moment.

#1 book a trip to Maui for my bday in September for 8 days!!!!! (um, my dream)- Have the $ now

#2 continue to save for another round of IVF - Would have to save another month

#3 REALLY save and do a round of Minimal Stimulation IVF - Would have to save 2 months


I guess we are just wondering if we should relax and vacation then start again near the holidays or skip our vaction and possibly deal w. another heartbreak....


It is so hard to know what to do.

In the meantime, we are trying naturally again this month.....ugggghhhhh.


I will keep you all posted.

I finally called!!!

So today I forced myself to call our IVF center.
I wanted to know if the doctor should have called me after our 2nd failed IVF or what I am supposed to do next.

Here is my frustration..... There is a major language barrier w. the staff-

So I asked them- What do I do next?

What CD should I schedule my Hysteroscopy????


They had no idea what I was talking about.

The nurse seriously said this to me.

Nurse: Why would you have that done? Do you have fibroids?

Me: The doctor recommened that after my 1st failed IVF. And since I have NOT gotten pregant after my 2nd IVF- I think it would be a good idea

Nurse: Silence

Nurse: What is your queston?

Me: When do I come in for the test? What will the test involve?

Nurse: Do you have an embryo?

Me: What???

Nurse: If you don't, you have to come in on CD 2 and we will do an ultra sound and start monitoring for another cycle.

Me: Pulling my hair out!


So- at this point - since I am CD 6- I will have to wait for another cycle--- Uggghhh! Kinda my fault.


I was so frustrated w. how the phoen conversation went w. my center- I called my OBGYN office.

They are the office I did 3 rounds of clomid with.... I want a 2nd opinion on what to do next. I made an appointment to see the nurse next Friday- The doctor isn't taking appointments until September!!!!!

I am feeling so far away from having a baby right now:(

I need to stay focused.

Time to get motivated!

I am on CD4 and have intended to call my IVF doctor and inquire about the procedure see if I have any  scar tissue .....
I think it is called a hysteroscopy.

I don't know why I am having a hard time calling to make the appointment.

I am dreading even talking to the receptionist and explaining WHY I want this....

That I need/want this because I have had (2) failed IVF's.

Please GOD let me find the strength to not let more time go by --- I will call tomorrow:)

Happy 4th of July!

Hello Everyone:

Happy 4th of July!

Sorry I have not updated lately.

I guess I haven't updated since there is nothing to update.


I am currently 10 days away from AF... we tried on our own this month- you never know!


My boobs totally hurt!!!!!!



xoxo

Still TTC'ing - Still trucking!

I am currently CD9 and TTC'ing naturally.
You never know?
I read about couples conceiving natrually after a failed IVF???

Side-note:
We are going to Palm Desert for my mom's bday this Friday- maybe a little hotel time will do the trick:)

Fertility Seminar #2

Tonight we went to another Fertility seminar.
I am even more confused than I was in the first place.
I didn't like how things were presented.
I didn't like the surgery room it was dirty-
Uggggh! Back to square one.
I know what I have to do.... I have to have surgery!

Father's Day- A Sad Day in our House

Today is hard.
Today isn't fun.
We went for a walk at the park- everyone was setting up for Father's Day picnics and walking their dogs.
There was new babies everywhere-
My heart hurts.
Today coud have been great for us... but we will have to wait a little longer, I guess.

We have a consultation with a new clinic on Wednesday.

I have had horrible cramps for the last 2 days:(

Moving on. Hurry up day...let's get through this.

Negative Beta- 2nd IVF Failed :(

Today was the day.

I went in at 7:30AM to get my blood taken.

I left feeling like I had a 10% chance if being pregnant.

This morning my test were white.

Stark White.

The clinic didn't bother calling me to tell me. I had to call them at 4:00PM from work!

The nurse said- Oh no one called you? I am sorry the test was negative. Stop all medications and call the clinic on cycle day 2.

All I could do was say ok. And I hung up.

So here I am.

I feel horrible.

Here is what I am thinking.

Why?

Why is this happening to me?

Why can't I get pregnant?

If our egg was the best it could be- what is the problem?

What should I do next?

OMG to how much money we have spent on 2 failed IVF cycles w. no insurance paying cash.

I wish there was a way to make this pain go away.

Oh another thought- Happy Father's Day~

FML.

I am fucking devestated.

And the Faint Line Continues.....

I have taken so many tests it isn't even funny.
I honestly think I have spend about $100 on tests this week.

I am using First Response tests.... and getting a super light pink 2nd line.

Tomorrow is my Beta at 7:30 AM!

I am praying that it is sooo early that is why its so light????

My period is due tomorrow....


Today I reached an all time low.
I went to Wal-Mart at lunch bought another 5 tests and pee'd in the bathroom at work and did a test! AT WORK! Who does that!?!??!?!
Me.

My co-worker that knows what I have been going through came to see if she could see my faint line and with a little bit of moving the test around- she saw it too!



Please Please Please little line get darker tomorrow morning so I can be confident going into BETA.... cause right now. I am not.


I will update tomorrow w. good new hopefully!

Could it be??????? BFP?????

Last night, we took a late night trip to Walmart. I wanted to pick up a couple First Response tests to mix in with my Dollar Tree tests.

So, of course, this morning I used BOTH tests- the Dollar Tree and the First Response tests....

I got Faint - Squinty BFP's on BOTH!!!

Both tests were so faint I am not POSITIVE yet.

But just for the record, today is 6dp5dt!

After lunch I took the same (2) tests again- same result! I was hoping to see a litte bit of a darker line--

Tomorrow?????

I am so excited.

It is amazing what seeing a little faint pink line will do to your heart! Last cycle we did not see ANYTHING on any test- NOTHING- So I am praying this is a GOOD sign!

My boobs are soooo heavy and full. I don't feel tired at all- Really no other symtom at all-

Praying. Praying. Praying.

Hope.

Biggest lie told by an IVF-er's...I don't test before BETA!!!!!

Since I started my TTC journey, my life has involved stalking my own body.

Charting, temping, ovulation kit testing- you name it! Every symptom was a possible pregnancy sign!

Now that I am in the middle of my 2nd IVF cycle, it makes me laugh when I read that women pretend they don't test before BETA. Give me a break!!!!!

We all post obsessively- documenting each DAY PAST TRANSFER.... and you are telling me that you don't want to know the exact day you tested positive???

Funny how there are a TON of answers every time someone asks this question.....

" I tested BFN 5dp5dt... do I still have a chance?"

Anyways, I call bullshit.

You all test. Don't lie.

We are all hear praying for 2 lines- so knock it off with your fake will power to POAS. 

Sorry, just had to vent.

3dp5dt - Nothing New- BOOOOO!

I have nothing to update except for the fact I took a pregnancy test in the morning and the evening!

Stark white- Negative.

I was hoping to be one of those girls that say- yes- It just showed up really early- maybe it TWINS?

Give me a break.

I felt some left-side cramping and my boobs still hurt.

Other than that nothing.

I am officially freaking out.

I know I need to wait until this weekend! 

This is so hard!

2dp5dt- Time can be so cruel!!!

I am about to go to bed-- bringing an end to my 2dp5dt-
I was feeling great this morning- even a little peppy - then got tired as the day went on-
Now I feel sick- Like I am going to puke...

I know it is too soon to be related to a pregnancy... but yuck. I just want to go to sleep---

Time seems to be standing still.... how many more days must I wait!
I am so not a patient girl! HA!

Ease up a little time!

I will keep the updates coming!

1DP5DT!!!!!

I made it through DAY 1 of my 5 DAY Transfer!!!!!!

And check out my purchase I made today-

I have NOT used one yet- tomorrow I can't promise that I won't! HEHEHHE!

Symtoms:
None so far:)
Maybe a little twinge on my left side???

5 Day TRANSFER of a 5AA Embryo!!!!!!!!!!

It's in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our little embryo is in!

OMG!

So I went in today at 1:3PM and everything went soooo well!

They told me that we had a Grade 5AA embryo!

SO excited!

My pregnancy test is scheduled in 9 days!

Here are pics of the embryo and ultrasound!

So far, I have sneezed only once! HAHHAHAHA! 

I will post everything I feel!

Time to go to the Dollar Tree and stock up!

Waiting on Progesterone results!!! Are we transferring today????

I went this morning to have my blood taken for my progesterone test.

Last time they did not run this test.... not sure what my levels should be...but now- I have to wait for them to call me to see if we are doing a transfer today.

It is currently, 12:15 and my transfer is at 1:30 with a check - in time of 1PM!!!

I was feeling so calm and ready now I am stressed and nervous......



Oh well! Positive thoughts!

Tomorrow is my Egg Transfer!!! 5 day Transfer!

Tomorrow is the big day!

I have been praying that we don't receive a phone call that something went wrong- so far so good.

Thank GOD this time, I didn't get a sore throat from the progesterone. I can feel it but not as bad at all!

So- YAY!

Hope today goes soooo fast!

I have a progesterone test at 9:30 then transfer at 1:30PM!

Wish me luck!!!!

(1) Egg Retrieved today!!!!!

Today was my egg retrieval day!

I felt so much more calm since I knew the drill this time!

I will say the procedure HURT soooo much more this time.

I really felt the needle and pressure this time-

I had one big healthy egg retrieved today-

After the retrieval, the doctor met with us and said to change up our plan we will be doing a 5-day transfer!

I am thrilled!

I can't wait! Seems like a LONG time!

I start progesterone orally tonight- and vaginally tomorrow-

Here we go!

Here is a selfie shot before I went in for the procedure!

Lupron Shot has been injected

Today is CD 13. Last night at 10:30PM my husband injected me w. my Lupron shot.

I have a scheduled egg retrieval for tomorrow morning at 9:30AM.

I am so excited!

I am feeling relaxed and good.


Here is a pic of my supplies:

So, here we go with our 2nd Natural Cycle IVF!!!!


I will keep everyone updated!

And this time, I am taking my phone in the waiting room!

CD 12- Waiting for my schedule call for Retrieval!

So this morning - on my Memorial Day off- I had a 7:30AM monitoring appt.

Everything looks good for being on NO meds....


Transfer should be in about 5 days!

YAY! Feeling good!
Taking my pre-natal vitamins!

Here is a pic of my ultrasound results.

CD 10 Follicle at 13.4mm

Went in today for monitoring.... My follicle is measuring at 13.4mm with no medication.
The doctor called and I have to go back on Monday to see how everything is going!
YAY!

Hurry up Saturday!

It is so hard waiting for these damn cycles!
Hurry up, Saturday!
I can't wait to hear how my follies are looking!

Going forward with Natural Cycle IVF- CD7

We have decided 100% to continue with this cycle!
I go in for an appointment to monitor on CD 10- this Saturday!
I hope this works! Please GOD let it be my turn to have a baby!
I want to be a mom so badly!

OMG- Thinking of Cancelling this cycle

So, when I went in for monitoring this month- the office recommended that we do a "Mini IVF" instead of a "Natural Cycle IVF"
My immediate answer was NO.

I feel like I want to keep this AS NATURAL as possible.

So we scheduled it like that.

But I have not been able to stop thinking about the "WHAT IF'S"

What if- this does not work AGAIN?
What if- we end up spending the same amount of money it would cost to do a mini IVF?
What if- I actually NEED the extra meds?
What if- it would be better to have more eggs than just ONE?

So- I am thinking that we may cancel this cycle and start over.

My needles and Lupron got delivered today at work today too.

OMG. What should I do??!?!??!?!?!?

CD3- Monitoring Appointment

So, today I went to my monitoring appointment and had an ultrasound and a blood test.
We are on schedule to try another cycle of Natural IVF.

I go back next Saturday- which will be CD 10.

So until then- I need my little follicle to grow grow grow- I think I had one today at 5.3:)

Scheduled 1st monitoring appointment

So today I called and made an appointment for monitoring! It is Saturday at 8:15AM!
And a correction from yesterday- we will CALL TODAY CD 1.
So here we go!
YAY!

And AUNT FLOW is here! CD 1- IVF round 2

So today Aunt Flow came knocking on my door while I was at work! I hate her!
I have been struggling with my decision to do IVF this month or to postpone and save more $.
We talked about it and we are going to do it.
It will be tight but we can do it-
My doctor told me that CD1 is the first full flow day- since my period just barely started I will call tomorrow CD1- I will call the office and start monitoring- OH GOD- here comes the blood tests and ultrasounds!

I don't even care- just work:) PLEASE!

12 day till AF

Here I am again.... in the dreaded 2ww. This has been the first month- I honestly don't care.
I don't care what happens, mainly because I know I can start a new IVF cycle. I am loosing myself in this process. I have thought more about waiting years before trying again than I ever have before-
Yearning to live my life again without the weight of this failure on my shoulders.
Ugggh.

Dear Self:

Dear Self:
How are you enjoying your blog?

CD8 - Natural Attempt

That seems like an awkward title. But I am just not feeling creative. I am tired.
We are trying on our own this month and will attempt IVF again next month....

Fingers crossed. Please let it happen naturally!

AF showed her ugly face today

So, like every single month- I was hoping that I was pregnant- naturally. This could be the month!!!!
Nope.
Nope.
I started my period today! And it was horrible!
Horrible cramps.


On top of everything else, I have been torn on if we should do IVF this month or wait ONE more month.

After a sleepless night, I decided to wait.


I don't feel ready.


I feel rushed.

I just got back from South Beach, Miami and things at work are stressful.


I just don't feel prepared. And it would make it REALLY tight financially. Like too tight.

So, here I sit- broken.  A piece of me still missing...my baby.

I am still keeping hope. I know I will hold you one day.... and you will be here soon. But another month will pass....


Another chance for a natural conception?


My mind is swirling.....

Sigh of relief the baby shower is over....

The baby shower was so much work.

Here is a pic of the finished table.

Since I work at a law firm- I could only do so much....

We had a Taco Bar - it was really good.

Like I said, the baby's name is going to be Lily.

So, I went with a Lily theme-
Lily's on the table w. pink tule as the runner....

As a thank you to everyone- I gave a Lily Bulb to plant and had a little tag attached that read " A Lily for Lily- Let's watch them grow!"

Turned out cute.

I am so tired - I can barely type this.....


Good night -

Another Positive OPK! YAY!

I got another smiley face today!
YAY!
CD 13!

Work has been super busy.

And here is a kick to my NOT pregnant stomach- I am in charge of a baby shower tomorrow for a co-worker.

I wrote in an earlier post how hard it was to just ATTEND a shower...but to do all the work for it....hurts. Bad.

I am in full protection mode.

I have put on the back burner my own feelings and am just surviving.


The co-worker is having a little girl.
She has already named her Lily.

She started "trying" and tried for only 3 months and started freaking out that something was wrong... something like what I must have.....


Nope. She is having a baby- her second baby. She has a boy and now a girl....

Cue the pity party....

I went w. a Lily theme- I will post pics. It should turn out very cute- especially with the budget I have been put on!!!!


For the shower favor- I went to Home Depot and purchased Lily bulbs....
I will be giving everyone a bulb wrapped in a little plastic bag w. a bow and a tag that reads " A Lily for Baby Lily... Let's watch them both grow!"

Super cute!


I am exhausted - but I feel good- that I didn't half ass this just because my dream hasn't come true.


Pic tomorrow.
Thanks for reading- Wish I knew who was out there reading- Are you feeling the same way I do?

Positive OPK on day CD12

I got a positive OPK today after work....
The funny part was I drank a ton of water and tea...

and still look what I got!!!!!

So I am pretty excited.... but I get excited every single time this happens!


But since I have a "I don't care" attitude maybe that will happen!!!!!!!!????????

Cross your fingers and send some baby dust over here PLEASE!

Happy Easter...Hard Day

Today started out perfectly.
Went to a new church. It was awesome.
Everyone was so welcoming!
Came home and the Easter Bunny brought me a iPad Mini!!!
Then I dropped Chad off at work for a couple hours and came home and cleaned.

My parents invited us over - so I headed over first -
My Grandpa and Bev were over too.
We had a lovely meal....then came the painful part...
They rented a movie- Parental Guidelines - Or something.... All about kids...

I don't know why but it was hard to watch-
Then Bev received a call that her grand-daughter was going into labor with her second son- today.

Then my brother came over and started sharing photos of his friends new babies- Like 3 of them.


It was too much. Not sure why.
It just was.
I cried the entire ride home.

The end.

Happy Friday- Good Friday

I am happy today. Content.
Hopeful.
I feel like Spring/Easter is a fresh start.

I know and believe I will have a baby one day.
I can't wait to hold him/her.
I can't wait.

It will happen!

Wishing everyone a Happy Easter weekend!

I am currently  on CD 9. Maybe just maybe it will happen NATURALLY!!!!!!!
Wouldn't that just be amazing!?

xoxo

And life slowly continues.....

It has been a little over a week since I received the phone call that our transfer did not work.

I am not on CD 8

Chad and I will TTC on our own this month.... hey you never know!


We will be trying another round of IVF next cycle.
Work has been crazy busy- and it has been a welcomed distraction.

Just found out another co-worker is expecting their 2nd baby

Yippee.


The person said- "They had been BUSY"

Must be nice to "get busy and create a baby"



I have been chosen to host a work baby shower on Wednesday- Makes me sick to even think about it:(

Aunt FLOW has ARRIVED

I finally started my period today.
It was pretty gross.
I had a vivid dream about bright red blood- and boom it was here!
Horrible cramps and a bad mood:(
That's it for today:)

Still waiting for my AF

I am really going to try to stick to this blogging thing.... because it has already been fun looking back at my first posts....

It has been 3 days since my negative Beta test.

Still no period.

I am scared it is going to be really heavy.

Anyways. I don't really have anything else to report:(

What now?

Last night, I waited until 9PM for the doctor to call me to discuss our first failed Natural Cycle IVF.
He never called.
This pissed me off.
So, this morning I went to work in a bad - bad mood!
I called the doctor's office and they said I must have been left off the list.
Um, really?
Was I?
Perfect.


I still haven't started my period.
But am starting to have really bad lower back pain and pre-cramps:(

What to ask when you have a failed IVF?????

What do I ask?


What do I say????

I have no idea where to start.

I finally get to stop the progesterone pills and suppositories.

I took a long HOT bath.


Waiting for the doctor to call now....

Negative BETA= BFN- FAILED IVF #1

My Beta test was negative.

I came home for lunch to re-group.

The doctor is going to call tonight - Where do I go from here????

I was not expecting this....


What should I ask?



So sad.

BFN before Beta Appointment :(

I had to post this morning.
I tested AGAIN.... and it was a BIG FAT NEGATIVE.

I even took the test apart to examine - just in case:/

Oh this was all at 4AM too- I have been up ever since....

Searching the web for those stories where girls got a negative  HPT but a positive BETA. Horrible idea.

For every positive story there was about 30 sad endings.



Are there really people out there that DO NOT TEST before their BETA?

Come on! Be honest.

There is no way every woman isn't peeing on a stick daily or like me a couple times a day.

You are emotionally invested and FINANCIALLY invested!!!!!

Leaving in 15 minutes for my BETA then a full day at the office to try to pretend this isn't happening!

I really hope I can come back w. good news:( ..... Stand by.

And the dreaded BFN the day before BETA...

I am absolutely devastated.
I have used soooo many HPT's and got a couple phantom lines but that was about it- Lines so light you practically had to do a backbend to see the outline of the line.

I am completely devastated. Depressed.

I find myself feeling like I am going to die to thinking I still could be......

I keep praying that maybe I am one of the girls that has a late implanter- or It just isn't showing up on the HPT yet and my Beta will show that I am in fact pregnant.


I feel like I don't even want to go to my appointment!
It is at 7:30 AM - then I go to work.


Then I will get the call.
How will I feel?
Will I cry?

What will they say?

Hollie, you are not pregnant??????!!!!!



I am beyond upset.
I thought this was it.
I really did.

But, looks like our journey is not over yet.

And STILL nothing

Nothing happened today- again.
Still feel like my period is coming- then it goes away:(

Starting to get scared and stressed

I haven't even wanted to say how I am feeling.
I feel mad.
I feel sad.
I feel stressed.
I feel my period coming!!!!!!
Please please please stay away you ugly witch AF!!!!!!

I have taken a pregnancy test every day and night- Expensive Tests- Dollar Tree Tests....
ALL BFN!

Please pray for me!


Please say this worked!

*Also when I wiped tonight there was one tiny pinpoint of blood.... ??????? Going to google it now:(

Do I have the pregnancy glow?!?!?!??!?!

My husband took this pic on his iPhone.
I love it.
Hoping he captured our future baby b glow!

What happens after a 3 day Transfer????

I found this right now and had to share!!!!

Makes me feel a little better!

I need to chill out!


This is what happens in a 3dt :

1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & 
fetal cells
8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 
10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 
11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on 
HPT

Starting to CRACK!!!

The title says it all.... I AM STARTING TO CRACK!
My sore throat finally has gone away! And my sniffles too!
Unfortunately, Chad is now getting sick and so is a co-worker! Oops... so maybe I blamed it on the progesterone!!!

Today was super busy at work so I was not able to monitor every little thing that was going on in my body.

So I feel really scared right now.

Did this possibly not work?

Will my pregnancy test EVER be positive.


I just did a CLEAR BLUE Digital....and it said "NOT PREGNANT"

*I am not even going to tell Chad!
Of course it is too early for that test but I COULD NOT resist.


I can't help it.


Please GOD let me get a positive soon!!!!!!!

Did it work? Did it work? Did it work?

I really have nothing new to report.
I am still feeling the same things I mentioned in my previous post.

I still have a little bit of cramping - but not like period cramps at all- it more of a pulling or dull ache??

My throat feels better- my voice is coming back- so I think my body is getting used to the progesterone.


Chad wants me to stop the progesterone tonight but I don't want to chance it:(


We are going to a concert tonight in LA at the House of Blues on Sunset...

One of my friends got a hotel room though- so I can rest:)



YEAH!


Hoping to get a BFP soon!!!!!

Oh the waiting game!!!!

I forgot to post last night...
Here is what is going on-
I had a pretty busy day at work - had to dress up for a photo shoot w. the Orange County Register and wear the forbidden heels!!! * I brought flats and changed into heels just for the pic:)

I felt pretty good all day.
My throat was still killing me.

By the end of the day, I was so tired-

Finally got home and went to bed at 8PM.


I also started a progesterone suppository ( totally scary) but ended up being okay:) and still am taking the progesterone pill-

Got a good night sleep and woke up at 5AM - One more day of work then resting this weekend!


STICK STICK STICK!!!! Praying!


Symtoms:
Sore throat
Left side pulling/cramp

Introducing our Transferred Embryo!!!! 3 Day Transfer!

Hello everyone!
I have a little embryo inside of me!!!!!

I had my embryo transfer today!

It was amazing!

It was soooo much easier than the retrieval!


The doctor did the transfer and did an amazing job!

We had one egg transferred!

Since we did a Natural cycle.... that is exactly how we wanted it!


Chad drove me home and so far so good!

I held my pee for a long time cause I was scared to go- but I had to go:)


I feel a slight twinge/cramp on my left side....

I was told to continue my progesterone pills and will start a progesterone depository tomorrow:/ Yikes!


I let the nurses know how horribly I was feeling on the progesterone pills and they blew it off AGAIN-
I seriously can't talk- my voice is gone and my throat is closing:(

They said my body may get used to it and it is necessary for pregnancy!


When the doctor was transferring my egg he asked the following questions:

How long have you been trying again?

How are you going to celebrate when you are pregnant?

Such a cool feeling to know that THIS COULD REALLY be IT!


Here is a a pic of our little miracle! I already love him.her!!!!!!!

Yeah!
I go back on the 18th for a pregnancy test!!!!!!! OMG 12 days, really?
I will not make it that long- I won't even pretend!
Pray it snuggles in and my throat chills out!

Tomorrow is the big day- Egg Transfer!!!!

This morning I woke up with a horrible sore throat and my voice is all rough:(

I honestly think it is from the Progesterone pill:/

I called the nurse and they said it was probably just a coincidence --- we will see-

I was at work and the day was taking forever!!!!!!

I was secretly hoping the phone did not ring and I would just show up for my transfer tomorrow w. 4 fertilized eggs waiting for me.

Well, around 3PM the phone did ring. It was my retrieval nurse.

She told me that one egg had been fertilized yesterday!!!!!!!!!!

The other 3- that was another story.... 1 was degenerate ( I have no idea what that means and was too scared to ask) and the other 2 eggs were immature an they were going to check them tomorrow and see if they too could be fertilized.

So, I went to Target today to get some cute new sweats to wear....and some new jammies since I need to chill out on let my little egg snuggle in:)

Please keep praying! It is working!

So excited!

NC-IVF Egg Retrieval!!!!!!

Today was my egg retrieval!
I was soooo nervous!

I am happy to report it went PERFECTLY!!!!!!!


I arrived at the office at 9:45 after being at work at 7:30AM-

They called me back right away.... I was instructed to take my shoes off and put some slippers on before entering the OR.

I put on a gown and a hair net thing.....



And they had me lay down in a recliner  with a blanket... for like 30 minutes.


I was freaking out!!!!
What was going to happen? How was it going to feel? Was I going to have an egg?????


I could hear some people getting an IV for pain and the nurse telling some girls they had cotton gauze they needed to remove in the bathroom!


Finally it was my turn and I went into the OR.
I had to wear a face mask and there was 4 people in the operating room....

I was instructed to put my feet into these huge leg stirrups..... and there was a huge bright light shining where I was laying wide open!!!!

My doctor came in and introduced who was going to do the retrieval-- I was expecting him to do it but he sat down next to me and held my hand the whole time.

It was so sweet. He walked me through each step....

There were two monitors one that showed my follicle and one that showed the egg.


When the needle went in - it felt like an getting an IV. It stung and then there was this intense pressure....
But I was kind of distracted by watching-

While the doctor was looking for my egg another person was looking at a microscope it was really cool- they found the first egg and the doctor explained that the dark would slowly disappear as they sucked it out- that part hurt- pressure hurt - uncomfortable hurt but not crazy..... Then the pressure continued so I said "OUCH!" and the doctor said they were going to look for more eggs but they could stop if it hurt since I was doing a Natural Cycle and only needed one egg... I quickly said - NO its okay.... and my doctor said "you are so brave" HAHAHHAHAHA!


Guess what!??!?!? They retrieved a total of 4 eggs!!!!!!!!!
FOUR EGGS!!!!!!


4 EGGS!!!!!!!!


Chad did his part and I was given Progesterone pills to take at bedtime...

We should receive a call tomorrow to see how our little egg is doing!!!


My transfer day is Wednesday at 1:45!

I can't wait and am praying everything is good w. my egg and Chad's sperm:)



I am so excited! 4 Eggs!

OMG!

Twas the night before egg retrieval!!!!!!

Tonight we had dinner w. Chad's family to celebrate his nieces 4th bday!
It is so cute to see how loved they are by their Grandma- She is completely obsessed with those kids- It makes me feel happy/sad at the same time.

I know my parents will love our child and so will Chad's parents but there is something different - I just can't explain.


But, I know how much love Chad and I have to share and that is ALL that has ever mattered.


Tonight is my last sleep before our little egg gets retrieved!

Timing is a funny thing... I have a mandatory meeting at 12:00 tomorrow at work.

My retrieval is at 10:15AM and will last 2/3 hours.... I am hoping I can go right back to work... but if I can't I will deal....my future baby is MUCH more important.



I have to take 400mg of ibuprofen at 11PM tonight and again at 6AM tomorrow!


Please pray for us tomorrow if you think about us!


xoxo

My follicle is 20 mm!!!!!!!!

YIPPPPPEEEEEEE- My follicle is 20mm!

My egg retrieval is scheduled for MONDAY!!!!!!

I am so excited!

The nurse called me today after my blood test- and told me to do my lupron injection at 11:30 tonight and take ibuprofen until the retrieval.

So I guess using the warm water bottle worked!!!!

Here are pics on the wall at the IVF clinic! I really hope that I can send in a pic soon!

Fingers crossed everyone!!!!

Follicle size update- 15 mm

I am in such a bad mood today.
I had my appointment AGAIN this morning.

My follicle on my right side measured at 15.9 mm.

I am just feeling BLAH.

I have no idea what is going.
I have no schedule.

My next appointment is Saturday at 9:15.

That will be CD 13.

The nurse thinks they will retrieve the egg on Saturday/Monday.


I am so not in the mood to write. Sorry:(

Grow follicle GROW!!!!!

This is day 2 on Tamoxifen.

It feels very similar to how I felt on Clomid.

I searched online all last night to see if there was anything I could do to help my follicle along....

I found that a warm water bottle can help- So I used one all night and snuck one at my desk today...

I really hope it helps.

Today I feel like something is going on down there.... Hopefully my 10 mm follicle is growing growing growing!

One more day to go- then another ultra-sound and blood test!

Until then, I will keep my water bottle warm:)

Update CD 8 - Tamoxifen???

So, today I went in for my monitoring appointment and they measured my follicles by doing an ultrasound....
I have one follicle they are looking at that was 10 mm.

The tech girl immediately acted like that was not very good and I would for sure have to come back again- I tried not to freak out.

I went back to the waiting room and googled what it SHOULD be...from what I could see it should be around 17-22 mm.

The nurse called me back and said it was fine and totally normal- and told me they would call when they got my blood results back.

They called at about 10 AM and said the doctor wanted me to go on an oral medication once a day.


I rushed to the pharmacy on my lunch to see what this medication was....

It is called Tamoxifen 20 MG.

I am trying to find out why I am taking this and if it works??????


I am feeling relieved that they aren't just gonna sit back and wait to see how my body reacts and are giving me medicine!

I will go back on Thursday the 28th.


I really hope my little follicle grows grows grows!!!!!!


And I really hope that I can find out some more info on Tamoxifen-


*** We made our final payment today! Here we go!

Update on NC-IVF

Today was amazing!
Chad and I went on a hike in Malibu to a waterfall.
It took us about 2 hours and was the perfect trick to keep our mind off of this upcoming week!
Tomorrow we have a 7:30AM monitoring appointment. And we make our big ole $4,000.00 payment too.
YIKES!
After this appointment, we should have everything scheduled from the egg retrieval to when we hopefully have a positive pregnancy test!

I can't believe it is really happening!

I am so ready!

Tomorrow's appointment will be CD 10.

Here are some pics from the beach in Malibu after our hike! Check out the starfish!
Beautiful!

CD 3- First day of monitoring

Today I went to my first monitoring appointment-
The appointment was at 7:30AM-
I woke up with nervous energy-
Took a shower and drove on over....
I was the first patient there-
They did an ultra-sound and a blood test.
I had to wait to talk to the doctor since this is my first cycle with the clinic-
He really didn't put my mind at ease- He is so confident it throws me off.
We had to pay $650.00 today for our monitoring appointments- On day 8 our FULL amount is due. YIKES!
Everything I have read makes me feel so uneasy.
But, we are going forward!
I go back on day 8 which will be Monday!
They will then be able to nail down our dates for retrieval!!!!!
Let the prayers begin! I am praying my body is ready to accept a baby!!!!!! Now trying to enjoy the next couple days!
My Dad is celebrating his 60th bday on Friday!
I am working on a special project for him!
I wil post pics!

Is anyone reading this?

CYCLE day 1 is FINALLY here!!!!!!

I started my period today- which was sad for like one second!!!!
It means we are starting our monitoring!!!!
I called the clinic and I will go in for an ultra-sound and blood test on Wednesday, February 20th at 7:30AM!!!!!

OMG.
OMG.

I have no idea what to expect... but here we go!

Devastated once again...

Today, it is 4 days before my period is due.
So like every other month for the last 2+ years- I used a dollar tree test to see if maybe just maybe there would be that 2nd line.
Nope.
Stark white.
Whiter than white in the 2nd line position.
I need to stop looking at it in the bathroom - because when I look at my face afterwards in the mirror- I feel like I am looking at a failure.
I have failed again.
Failed at a chance to be able to do one of the most natural womanly function there is.
To have a baby.
It is such a blessing to have a child... but I haven't been blessed.
It hurts so bad.
My heart is so broken.
I feel so alone.


I feel empty.
I just can't.

Freaking out.

Tonight I got home from work and decided to stalk the message boards for more info on the TYPE of IVF we are doing.
It is called NC-IVF ( Natural Cycle).
I just freaked out and seriously can't breathe.
I am now reading it is a marketing ploy that IVF clinics use to get patients to come in.
****
OMG.
OMG.
Calm down.
I am 32 years old.
Unexplained Infertility.
I should be a good candidate for this.

I am so nervous.

My heart is beating so fast.

Chad and I felt so positive about the clinic and the doctor. We did our research but maybe I was only trying to convince Chad to do it.....

I wish there was a fast forward button so I can see what is going to happen.

This can't be good freaking out like this-

Time to quiet down my mind and continue to dream of being a mom.

I have to keep trying -----

Opening up about IVF

Chad and I have told only (3) people about our possible IVF cycle.
I confided in a great friend at work.
Not only do I value her opinion but I have watched her become a wonderful mother of twin boys!
She has been amazing.
She mentioned to me that another co-worker has been struggling with fertility issues.
She has a 3 year old son ( or around that age:/)He is adorable.
Anyways, she encouraged me to go to lunch w. the three of them and share what I was going through...
I don't know why- but I was super nervous to share.
#1: I don't want too many people to know at work
#2: I feel like I can't explain what is going to happen because I have no idea how it will go
#3 I still feel a little "judged" saying we are doing IVF


The conversation was nice... there were questions that I wasn't able to answer but that is okay.
I am going through this and I have friends that want to be there to support and pray for me. I just need to learn to accept their support and not freak out when I can't answer every IVF question.

It was also nice to know other people are struggling month to month as well.
I know that sounds bad- but it is what it is. I can't explain how sick it is.


She also mentioned a lot of her friends are dealing w. fertility issues.
Whew.
I mean, I know that from the other blogs/message boards I read- but to talk to someone was pretty cool.

I hope it will get easier to actually TALK about and not just write about.
I will try to keep practicing!

xoxo

Infertility: What happens when you are invited to a baby shower?

Here is one of the things I used to LOVE so much...
A BABY SHOWER!!!!!
But now, it has turned into a thing I dread.
It is such an awkward feeling being sad/jealous before a baby shower.
Since we have been trying for a baby- I have attended countless baby showers and 1st/2nd and 3rd bdays of people who got pregnant while I was trying!

A co-worker is having a surprise baby shower tomorrow at lunch.

I am super happy for her.
I could not bring myself to shop for a gift until tonight after work - hoping I would try to hurry and not think about it too much.

It was not even as bad as I thought.

I had a blast picking out little girl stuff!

I kept thinking, how would I want people to treat me when it is FINALLY my turn for a shower?
I would be so sad if I knew someone was heartbroken shopping for my baby gift.
So, I had a happy heart and it was fine.

We will see how it goes tomorrow:/


Here is some pics of what I picked out for the little baby girl!

Waiting is so hard!

I love days like this.
A semi-stormy day in cali.
The perfect day to stay home and enjoy just relaxing.
I have been bouncing from site to site looking at all things IVF and all things baby.
So far, I have planned a nursery and laughed at jokes on pinterest.com about TTC'ing and IVF.

I just want to remember this calm feeling in the upcoming weeks!

I found this cute little poster and thought it would help me when I look back at my blog.

Seriously, this could be the last couple weekends I have NOT being pregnant. That is such a cool feeling.

I have also calculated when our baby would be due.

I think it would be a November baby!

YEAH YEAH YEAH!

OMG! 

It could happen! It will happen!

I can't wait to be a mom.

It was what I was meant to be.

I know Chad will be the BEST dad too!

I just know our little family will be amazing! xoxo